Animal jokes
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Memes
Name: Ace/ Age: 6 weeks/ Breed: Pitbull mix Mastiff/ Like if he is cutee
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.