Animal jokes
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
Anatidaephobia
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.