Animal jokes
Q. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A. Because it has a silent pee.
What do you call a dabbing cow?
Udder savagery.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.
What’s the cow's favorite place to go? The moovies!
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?
Still no fucking idea.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
Hey Explain bear, how would you like to be replaced by #ExplainNibbles the hamster AI?
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
A baby seal walks into a club...