Animal jokes

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

Dad joke time:

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

Where do bunnies go when they're sick?

The hoppital.

I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.

What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?

"That hit the spot?"

New horror movie idea.

The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.

Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.

What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

It's pasture your bedtime.

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

'Cause they are dead.