I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
I like penguins.
