Animal jokes
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Memes
looking funny or funny looking
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.