Animal jokes
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."