Animal jokes
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"