Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Animal Jokes
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
