Animal jokes
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.
This news: family neuters furry son.
What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?
"Polly want a quacker!"
Worst joke ever.
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with... CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
MEOM!
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
Knock knock? Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Not kangawho, kangaroo!
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.