Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
