Animal jokes
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken next to him farted.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.