Animal jokes
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
What's a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!
What bee can't fly?
Koby.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What's a cheetah's favorite food?
Fast food!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the playground?
What did the cow say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Nothing, they can't talk.