Animal jokes
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken next to him farted.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.