Animal jokes
What is a fish's favorite fruit/vegetable?
An avacodo.
What is the same with a duck and a bicycle? The handlebars--oh, except for the duck.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
What do you get from pampered cows?
Spoiled milk.
What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
What do you call a 18+ animal jam?
Play Wild!
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip!
My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."
Why did the chicken go to the mall?
To get new feathers!
Chomp!
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
What did the bus say to the mail?
Dog.
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
Mooooooo my secret is that it's pasture bedtime, but not pasture bedtime!
Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching