Animal jokes
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.
"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.
Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?
So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
When you and your friends find a higher form of living
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
What do birds and autistic people have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria, dumb butt!
"You are stupid. You can’t even ride a baby pony!"
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
The butt quack one.
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
What is an egg?
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What do you call a pig with two legs? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.