Animal jokes
Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?
So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Memes
Take care of yourself
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?
A: Lean meat.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
What do birds and autistic people have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
What's the difference between a redhead and an orangutan?
Some people adopt orangutans.
Yo mama's so fat, she wrestled a polar bear and won.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria, dumb butt!
"You are stupid. You can’t even ride a baby pony!"
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.