Animal jokes
Why don’t spiders go back to school?
Because they learn everything on the web.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
Who is the king of the insects 🐜?
The Monarch!
A cheetah and a lion are racing.
The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
A goose with no beak, and you eat?
Goose beak salad, file! :)
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching? A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
Why did the turkey suck my bacon? Because it wanted cum in its mouth.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)