Animal jokes
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Stupid cow.
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.
What is an egg?
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
"You are stupid. You can’t even ride a baby pony!"
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
Yo mama's so fat, she wrestled a polar bear and won.
What's the difference between a redhead and an orangutan?
Some people adopt orangutans.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria, dumb butt!
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?
A: Lean meat.
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
What do you call a pig doing a karate chop?