Animal jokes
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
What do you call a pig doing a karate chop?
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
Why did the camel cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.
What do you call a pig with two legs? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
The butt quack one.
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What do birds and autistic people have in common?
They both flap their arms.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.
Yo mama's so fat, she wrestled a polar bear and won.
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria, dumb butt!