Animal jokes
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?
Lean beef.
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
What do you call a bird orgy?
No bird control.
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?
At least gorillas don't abort their own.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An interrupting cow.
And inter-moo!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Disabled.
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
I'm a cheetah, I cheat, duh?
What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?
A receding hairline.