Animal jokes
"I work with animals," the man said to his date.
His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"
"I am a butcher," said the man.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
Nerd: Because they're marsupials.
Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence?
Udder destruction.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting? Octopied.
What is the difference between a white octopus and a white squid?
A white octopus isn't in the KKK!
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"