Animal jokes
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Dam.
What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?
A receding hairline.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was dumb.
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
What animal can't you trust with your homework?
A: A cheetah!
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂
I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.
What is a rat's favorite dessert?
A chocolate mousse cake.
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
Why was the egg naughty? Because he wanted a good cracking!
What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.
About a dog.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.