Animal jokes

The early bird might get the worm...

But the second mouse gets the cheese.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?

A can o' bull.

Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?

"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"

Why did the frog cross the road?

To show his gang that he had guts.

What do big fat male cows have?

Moobs.

What is the best type of snake?

A dead one.

When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.

What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!

I named my dog Chicken.

I love eating chicken.

Goats are like mushrooms.

If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Why did the cow lick your mum?

Because she had a cream pie.

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?

He was a cheetah.

Why did the boy get a koala? He had the koalafications.

What do you call a 3 humped camel?

Answer: a prostitute from New York. 😂😭💀

Why are theaters popular among cows?

They enjoy watching moovies.

What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.