Animal jokes
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
About a dog.
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Bc they're good at it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side! Haha, so funny...
What is a rat's favorite dessert?
A chocolate mousse cake.
What animal can't you trust with your homework?
A: A cheetah!
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
What do you call a rabbit who is really cool?
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
What is black, white, and red all over?
A dead zebra 🦓
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Friend: You look like a baboon.
Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.