Animal jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was dumb.
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Dam.
Wow, these cow jokes are moo-amazing!
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"
What animal can't you trust with your homework?
A: A cheetah!
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
What is a rat's favorite dessert?
A chocolate mousse cake.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
What do you call a rabbit who is really cool?
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
What is black, white, and red all over?
A dead zebra 🦓
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.