Animal jokes

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

What do you call a rabbit who is really cool?

What do you call a cow with three legs?

My ex.

What's black, white, and "read" all over?

A zebra after a lion is full.

What is black, white, and red all over?

A dead zebra 🦓

Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?

"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"

The early bird might get the worm...

But the second mouse gets the cheese.

What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?

A can o' bull.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

Why did the frog cross the road?

To show his gang that he had guts.

What do big fat male cows have?

Moobs.

I adopted a dog. It's gone now.

At least homeless people in China are not starving.

What is the best type of snake?

A dead one.

When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.

What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!

I named my dog Chicken.

I love eating chicken.

Goats are like mushrooms.

If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."