Animal jokes
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?
The cowch (couch).
http://zebrahumor.wordpress.com has more zebra jokes.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.
Memes
Q: What kinda bees give milk?
A: Boobees.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Why did the dinosaur take a bath?
So it can get ex-stinked!
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
What is a monkey's favorite game? A Hangman!
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!