Animal jokes
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
What animal can jump the highest? The emo kids.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
Why did the chicken say to the football guy, "You quarter?"
What food does cheetahs eat?
Cheetos!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Q: What kinda bees give milk?
A: Boobees.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
Why did the dinosaur take a bath?
So it can get ex-stinked!
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"