Animal jokes
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
Top ten dog breeds:
10. Dogs
9. Are
8. Beautiful
7. Animals
6. And
5. Judgement
3. Is
2. Cruel
1. Dachshund
Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"
The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.
Why did the chicken cross the road?...
To get to the other side.
What is a cow?
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.
"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet? They only have 4.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Cow said."
"Cow said who?"
"Cow says moo you ding dong!"