Animal jokes
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Yo momma's so fat, when she bought a fur coat, all animals went extinct.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
Why did the dinosaur take a bath?
So it can get ex-stinked!
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Q: What kinda bees give milk?
A: Boobees.
What food does cheetahs eat?
Cheetos!
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?
Because it always cheated.