Animal jokes

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

Why don't we wrestle bears?

The pain is un-bearable.

Rabbit poop is cereal.

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?

Her dog was blind, too.

Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.

One time, a cow saved my life.

It was bovine intervention.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.

A lion would never drive while drunk.

But a tiger wood.

What do fish smoke? A puffer.

What is a fish with no eyes?

A fsh!!!!!

Yo momma's so fat, when she bought a fur coat, all animals went extinct.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

How do you turn a cat into a fish?

Tell your girl not to wash down there.

Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.