Animal jokes
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
What is a fish with no eyes?
A fsh!!!!!
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.