Animal jokes
What do cows like to do?
Cow-culating!
What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?
A jump rope!
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Where do you mix a bunny and a hare?
Bunny hair.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
What do you call a duck with no head?
Your mom gay.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
What type of bird does not have feathers on itself?
A bald eagle.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
What do you call a pig at the beach?
Bacon.
"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!