Animal jokes
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
Koalas are awesome!
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Memes
why does it actually scare me ;-;
Why didn't the koala make the football team? Because it got diskoalafied!
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
What are Africans' favorite game to play? Hungry hippos.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
What is cheetah's favorite taste to run fast?
Cheetah outta here!
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.
What do you call an imposter octopus?
Octosus.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
What would you name your pet rabbit?
Harry.
Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?
A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.