Animal jokes
Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
My sis a fat cow.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?
Carats.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?
Bagels.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.