Animal jokes
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
My sis a fat cow.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
*Side eye*
What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?
Carats.
If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?
Bagels.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.