Animal jokes

You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.

This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"

So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."

They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

He was also dead.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Monkey see, monkey do.

Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?

He was stapled to the first one.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.

I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.

Are you an egg, because you crack me up?

I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!

What is the difference between a cow and me?

Nothing.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

So it didn't get its nuts wet.

What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?

A frog in a blender.

What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?

The dry bear.

What did the cow say every morning?

Good moorning!

Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.

Trump said schools are not petting zoos.

What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"

Elephant

Octopus, more like octopussy.