Animal jokes
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
Memes
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
What did the cow say every morning?
Good moorning!
What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
Octopus, more like octopussy.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
Elephant