Animal jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the gay kid's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Stupid cow.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he's a coward!
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
How do birds pay? With their bills!
If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...
Where does a cow take his date?
Answer: To the moooooovies!
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
Mary had a little lamb. Chick, chick, bam! No more lamb.
Why did the Mexican chicken cross the road?
Because the mom said, "Vente, Baca."
An alligator is in a class, turns out he likes teaching!
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...