Animal jokes

What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.

Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover his butt-quack.

Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?

In the mooseum.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?

De-calf!

(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.

The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

I want to die.

What do you call an octopus with a hat?

An octopus with a hat, of course.

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

What type of deer can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.

Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.

What do you call a three humped camel?

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.