Animal jokes
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."
I like zebras.
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
😂 i live in a dream
What is a gathering of octopuses called?
Octoposse.
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
Bald Eagle.
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."