Animal jokes
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Where do ducks poop out of?
From their buttquack.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
A baby seal walks into a club...
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
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Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Knock knock.
"Cow goes."
No, silly, cows go moo!
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
The one by die.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...