Animal jokes
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
What's a dog's dream car? A Dachshund 240Z.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What is the same with a duck and a bicycle? The handlebars--oh, except for the duck.
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!
What do cheetahs say?
"Cheese-ah!"
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
What animal is good at baseball?
A bat!
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!