Animal jokes
The one by die.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Knock knock.
"Cow goes."
No, silly, cows go moo!
A baby seal walks into a club...
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Memes
what the dawg doing
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?
Suicide squad.