Animal jokes
Where do ducks poop out of?
From their buttquack.
Knock knock.
"Cow goes."
No, silly, cows go moo!
Why did the boy put a chicken π in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. π
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Memes
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What is a monkeyβs π favorite dance move?
The banana π split.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
The one by die.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.