What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who are you? Are you an owl or something?
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Knock knock.
"Cow goes."
No, silly, cows go moo!
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
The one by die.
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
