Animal jokes
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Where do ducks poop out of?
From their buttquack.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."