Animal jokes
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Why did the Mexican chicken cross the road?
Because the mom said, "Vente, Baca."
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
What time do you think dogs are not happy?
Bulldogs.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?
A different sized elephant.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer.
What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer.
What do u call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls? Still no f*#$in eyed deer.
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
What did the turtle tell the man? To keep being 5G7T4IPK24O[\]TWERGWREWGRGR.
...... fuck the turtles...... THE END
Okay, so basically I'm monky.
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?