Animal jokes
What is a gathering of octopuses called?
Octoposse.
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.
Memes
Bald Eagle.
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
Hears a clean joke: My horse got muddy, so I gave him a bubble bath.
Now hears a dirty joke: Bubbles is the horse next door.
Why is the koala not a bear?
It doesn't have the right koalafications.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
The chicken!
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.