Animal jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
bro what?
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?
Suicide squad.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
Why did the koala go to bed?
Because it was leafing.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES