Animal jokes
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A baby seal walks into a club...
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
What is a cow's favorite dance move?
The milkshake.
There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
Bird Box.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
Why did the duck get arrested? Because he was selling quack.
When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.
What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
That hit the spot!