Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?
In the mooseum.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
How does a cow become invisible? -- Through camooflage.
Why are theaters popular among cows?
They enjoy watching moovies.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
"Quack, quack."
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
