Animal jokes
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Chihuahua?
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
What is a cow's favorite class in school?
Moosic.
What's a goat's favorite video game?
Mario Goat Cart!
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A baby seal walks into a club...
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
What is a cow's favorite dance move?
The milkshake.
There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.