Animal jokes
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
What happens when you cross a pig and karate?
A pork chop!
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet? Mufasa.
New horror movie idea. The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.