Animal jokes

What did the Cheetah say to the Lion?

"I'm a Cheetah!"

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

What goes boo in a car with no lips?

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

Teacher: What is a cow?

Kid: Meat.

Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?

Kid: Eggs.

Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?

Kid: Homework.

Have you ever heard of the stupid coyote? He got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of his legs, and was still stuck!

What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.

What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."

Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

What games do bats like to play at recess?

What did the cow say to the other cow?

Moo you fine.

Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

I like zebras.

An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.

He called them: "Asperger's."

Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!

"Hump a vow, it makes a cow."

What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?

A bullfrog!

Hi, this is Chloe, and I am about to tell you about my joke.

Why did the cow cross the road? Because to get to the other side.