Age jokes
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
I never get school shooting jokes.
Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
What's Joe Biden's favorite arcade game?
Space Invaders.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.