I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.
I never get school shooting jokes.
Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What's Joe Biden's favorite arcade game?
Space Invaders.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
