Age jokes

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.

“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.

The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”

Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.

The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.

“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.

“Does your dick touch your asshole?”

“No.”

The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.

“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.

“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”

“Yep.”

“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.

Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.

On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.

My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.

I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

What's Joe Biden's favorite arcade game?

Space Invaders.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.