An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.
Here's a sex joke.
What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
My name is Joe Biden, and I forgot this message.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
Yo mama is so fat and old, when Jesus said "Let there be Light!" he told your mama to move out of the way!
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
