Age jokes
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.
Here's a sex joke.
What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
After 12, it's lunch. 😂
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
My name is Joe Biden, and I forgot this message.