I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
