Age

Age Jokes

Body

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

Man

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

Lego

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

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  • People

    Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?

    Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?

    Sister

    My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

    Part

    What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?

    There’s twenty of them.

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  • 9/11

    Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.

    Sexual Relationship

    I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

    Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

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  • Online dating

    As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

    Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

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  • Pedophile

    A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"

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  • Grandpa

    One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

    The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.

    The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."

    Sausage

    I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.

    Them

    What's the best thing about 28 year olds?

    - There's 20 of them.

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  • Gas

    An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

    "I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

    Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

    The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

    The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

    Funeral

    What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?

    She was too young.

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