What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
Jk: Jimin, why are you so small?
Jm: Excujjimi?
Jk: No offense, Jim.
Jm: Yah, call me hyung!
Jk: But I'm bigger.
Jm: I'm older!
Jk: I'm the top and you're the bottom, so I don't think it's right to call you hyung.
Jm:......
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.
Whatβs the difference between a dad and a boomer age?
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Your hairline goes back to the Middle Ages.
I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
