Age jokes

Which is better looking, girls or women?

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?

Miracle Whip.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.

He still is a kid.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?

Dairy free.

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?

Your next door grumpy old neighbor.

A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”

The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”