Age jokes

What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?

One lasts long and another doesn't.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?

They don't have parent permission.

Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.

He still is a kid.

Which is better looking, girls or women?

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?

Miracle Whip.

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?

Dairy free.

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.