Age jokes
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
Captain America is a 106-year-old virgin.
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.
Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.