Age jokes
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
Captain America is a 106-year-old virgin.
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.