Age jokes
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.
Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.
Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
What’s the difference between a dad and a boomer age?
Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What do you call a girl above age 16 who says she is a virgin? A liar.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Why have sex when you can perv on your neighbor's grandma!
Gwen is back, Freshfry is back, Addison Banks is back... This website is coming back to the golden age!
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.