Aed jokes

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.

What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?

A meter stick.

What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?

You only see one asshole in 69.

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?

They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.

The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.

EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

I sat down and wrote a joke.

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?

Have a look at her face!

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?

B: I don't know.

A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...

B: ...

What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.