Aed jokes

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

Q: I like elephants.

A: Everything else is irrelephant.

I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.

It couldn't answer.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.

Time for a remake!

If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

Your mama so fat, it took all the trees to build her a coffin.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

Your hair line is curved like a moving train.

What do you call a donkey and a potato?

Assround

What do you call a terrorist at a cinema?

A box office bomb.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.