Aed jokes
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day? F5
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
What do you call a riot full of white people?
An avalanche.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.