Aed jokes
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
What do you call a dumpster with an antenna on it? Radio Morocco.
What do you call a Spanish toilet?
Elton John.
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.
I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Q: What's 1+1? 2+2? 4+4? 8+8? Name a vegetable.
A: Carrot 🥕
Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.
So there was a reason why I hated math.
I suck at problem-solving.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger down the toilet.