Aed jokes
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
How were tire swings made?
A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
What's white, black, and red all over?
A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.
They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?
We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."