Aed jokes

What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

What's a boxer's favorite drink? A punch. 🥤🥤

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she’ll let it goo!

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!

A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"

Two's company, cheese a crowd!

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.