Aed jokes
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?
A trans-former.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?