Aed jokes
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
Is water wet?
Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.
Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.
Orphans might as well join the military or a gang because they have no family.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?
Because it had a Great Booty!
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.