Aed jokes
🧀: C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀: You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?
A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
What category of music did JFK like?
You could say he was a metalhead.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
When I saw someone jump out of one of the towers, I yelled, "Do a flip!"
What do you call a nosy Mexican?
That's nacho business.
I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.