Aed jokes
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."
Actor 2: "Where's the b?"
Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.
What do jokes serve for dessert?
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?