Aed jokes
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
What's better than a meme? A really good Vine.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
What do you call a computer that sings?
A Dell.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
"Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?
Is HE goated with the sauce?"
If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."