Aed jokes
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?
A jump rope!
What is a mouse's favorite movie?
"Sharpay's Fabu-mouse Adventure!"
I did have a good night and I did a good night and I had fun.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
What's big, round, and can't move?
A vegetable!
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
Run on a sandpaper floor-treadmill hybrid in a medium sized room for 24 hours. It will be fun!
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
What do you call a gay woman? I don't know.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang.
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA.