Aed jokes

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

Who is not hungry in Africa?

A dead person.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?

In a dog pound, people actually want them.

What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?

The cabbage patch.

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

What do you call a dog turd in China?

Waste of food.

What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?

His little brother with the console.

What do you call a Mexican with one leg?

Border hopper.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

Being the first to move in chess.

It’s a white privilege.