Aed jokes

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

Telephone? No.

Television? No.

How then? Tell a woman!

What do you call a sneaky SCP-096?

The Spy Guy!

Why can orphans travel around so much?

A. They never get homesick.

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Q: What did people say when Kim Kardashian was at the beach?

A: Stop littering!

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.