Aed jokes
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
Yo mama so hairy that the zookeepers called a code red thinking an ape got loose.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
Why are you wearing a cap? Oh, I know, to cover your hairline!
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?
But he really saved the History Channel.
Who hates going to a pizza party?
A weirdough.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!
Yo, so poor that you wash your paper plates and cutlery in a kids' dishwasher.
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.