Aed jokes
Why did the little boy get hit by a car?
Answer: Because Sally was driving!
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?
Alien vs. Predator.
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Imagine if a ninja got a low taper fade.
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.
What position would a man with no legs and arms play in baseball?
Home base.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?
Beth-la-ham
Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld
So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"
Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.
Your gene pool is more like a gene puddle.