Aed jokes
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Walt what?
Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
Emos do take shots of themselves... not with a camera, though.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!