Aed jokes
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
I like my women like I like my eggs. Beaten against a table until her insides come out.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
One time a crow saw a peacock and then wanted to be like a peacock, so he picked up peacock feathers and then wore them.
Then he starts walking and everybody thinks he's strange, and then his friends are not his friends anymore, and then after that he says, "Friends, please be my friends again. I'm sorry, I will be the way I am."
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
What do you call a Pokémon who can’t move very fast?
A Slowpoke.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.
Peter: "Hi Jack."
Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"
Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"
Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"
Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
Why were the Twin Towers mad at 9/11?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
*insert a joke here*
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
How do you see the difference between a cow and a bull? It’s either one or the udder.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.