Aed jokes
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
Sodomising a physically challenged homophobic heterosexual white male is better than the smallest act of kindness.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.