Aed jokes
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
Why is the ocean blue?
A: Because the fish go, "blu-blu."
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
What do you call a Krispy Kreme Donut combined with a Big Mac from McDonalds?
A Krispy Kreme Mac.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
Tell me a joke about sodium.
Na.
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
I have done a ton of work. A skele-ton.
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.
They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!
You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
Me, myself, and I.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.