Aed jokes
What do you call a flat emo?
A chopping block🖤
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.