Aed jokes
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a roller coaster?
You can ride both on Ketamine, but only one will get you on the news.
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
There was a kid sitting in a corner.
Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"
Orphan: "..."
Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."
What is Godzilla’s least favorite ball?
A King Kong ball.
Chuck Norris once won a race against Usain Bolt, running in the opposite direction around the track, blindfolded, on one foot.
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?
A: Her dad pushed her.
Me: I need a good roast.
My friend: Take me!
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
What is an owl that wears armor?
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻
Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!