Aed jokes
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...