Aed jokes

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?

A. Kids turn them on.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?

Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

What do you call a fat Mexican rat?

Rasmus.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.

Join us for more of the story, after the break!

What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.

Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.

What the heck did I discover?