Aed jokes

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

Why doesn't a skeleton dance? Because he had no body to dance with. Lol, Sans.

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."