Aed jokes

Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.

One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.

Q: Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

A: Because their dad is shopping for the milk.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"

Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

You give them a Sandy Hook.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?

Awwtistic.