Aed jokes

Kid 1: "It's a bird!"

Kid 2: "It's a plane!"

Me: "It's a terrorist!"

If you look at this joke, you are going to meet a Catholic priest tomorrow.

I met a drum circle once, they were a huge hit!

Oh Sans, you're such a bonehead! Sorry if that joke was jaw-breaking! LOL.

You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.

But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"

Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.

Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?

It's ok, he didn't either!

Q: What do you call a blonde with only two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

(insert funny joke about a dick here).

Did you laugh? Be honest.

Iceberg: You may know me.

Titanic: You are a sucker.

Iceberg: You hit me.

Titanic: Moron.

Iceberg: Waaaaaaaaaa!

Titanic: I don’t give a shit.

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.

What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?

One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"

The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."

What do you get when a dinosaur farts?

A blast from the past!

Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.

Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!

A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.

"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"