Aed jokes
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
What's a pirate's favorite shop?
Arrrrrrrrgos.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).