Aed jokes
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
How do you get an emo kid to jump?
A bridge.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.