Aed jokes

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

The only thing flat earthers have to fear...

... is a sphere itself.

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

Why don’t witches wear underwear?

To get a better grip on their broom.

Yo mama so ugly, Itachi couldn't look at her to put her in a genjutsu.

Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?

A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.

Everyone else in the minefield...

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

What's an astronaut's favorite candy? A Milky Way!

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."